


Secret Santa

by Aelwyn



Series: Vignettes of Rose and the Doctor [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU of The Christmas Invasion, An AU ending to The Parting of the Ways, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Every time I do a 'Rose is a Time Lady' fic my headcanon is that she regenerates into River Song, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, OTP Feels, One Shot, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 00:44:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20921381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelwyn/pseuds/Aelwyn
Summary: Rose did more than save the Doctor on the game station when she became Bad Wolf, but she's not entirely sure how the Doctor, especially this new Doctor, will react... Once, just once, things end up going just a little bit right (Rewrite of S2E1 Christmas Invasion).





	Secret Santa

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: ALL RIGHTS GO TO THE BBC, DOCTOR WHO, AND ANY OTHER AFFILIATES.
> 
> The song for this oneshot is “Come on Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson:  
https://youtu.be/X7rDvb3rZVk

_“Time Lords have this little trick. It’s sort of a way of cheating death. Except... it means I’m gonna change.”_

She knows. The golden fog that Bad Wolf left in her mind is clearing, bits and pieces of knowledge she wasn’t supposed to have - or was always supposed to have - clicking into place in a mind that is at once entirely alien yet familiar. 

A rhythm of four beats echoes through her rib cage and Rose inhales sharply, the Alien physiology of a respiratory bypass more than sufficient to keep her blood oxygenated.

_“And... It means I’m not gonna see you again. Not like this, not with this daft old face.”_

It’s called Regeneration. She knows, because she gave him a sort of factory reset as soon as this one happens. A brand new set of them, replacing the ones he had left and as soon as he explodes into his new body he’ll begin the new cycle. Because she gave herself one as well, a complete cycle, and shouldn’t they match? 

She knows, because she saw him. Every face he’d ever worn, his childhood, his good moments and his bad in mere milliseconds that stretched to eternity. 

She knows, because when she was Time itself she became like him so that he wouldn’t be alone. 

She knows, because she knows his name. She’d didn’t mean to see it, to have it sear itself into her mind, but then again she didn’t mean to give herself one to match and lay claim to his mind in the same manner. 

_“And before I go...”_

“Don’t say that!” She protested, upset. She knew. He would be there, would always be there. She could feel him in her head, bound to him the same way she was now bound to the TARDIS, through telepathy. His brain was too jumbled with the onset of Regeneration to notice.

“Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you... you were fantastic.” 

It wasn’t what he wanted to say. She remembered the kiss and could see the alternate three words floating in his mind like the dust particulates of Golden Time dancing through the air around the time rotor. 

“Absolutely fantastic,” The Doctor continues before smiling widely. It’s a good look, Rose decided, the last time she would see that face he was smiling the smile he only gave for her. “And do you know what? So was I.”

Yes, he was. He is. And he always would be. 

Time swirls, coalesces. Rose blinked against the bright temporal light as the Doctor Regenerated, her new eyes automatically adjusting to the searing glare in record time. She felt strangely... Empty. Like the shock had sapped everything out of her and she was just operating in standby mode while she fully processed the entirety of what had happened. 

When the energy faded the new Doctor was standing in front of her, looking dazed and a little punch-drunk from the disorienting change. 

“Hello,” he murmured, blinking a few times as his heartsrate slowed down. “Oka- mm.” He swallowed once, twice, three times before running his tongue over his teeth in a closed, new mouth before his mind changed gears again and his focus shifted to a new train of thought. “New teeth. That’s weird. So where was I?” 

He caught sight of her, leaning weakly against a coral strut, and grinned. 

“Oh, that’s right! Barcelona.” 

~§~

She doesn’t get a chance to tell him, because almost immediately something goes wrong. He gets manic, and daredevil to the point of suicidal, and then falls into a post-regenerative healing coma. Rose got him into her bed back home, miraculously, because even with Mickey’s help and the fact that he was super skinny he was still unconscious weight. 

Jackie ‘borrowed’ a stethoscope off of a neighbor, and Rose knew without having to go look it up that his hearts were in an abnormal rhythm. It was like the TARDIS has downloaded a species biology crash course into her head and she probably had, when Rose thought about it. She could read Gallifreyan, and when she thought about it some more Rose realized she could speak it as well. Everything was at once alien yet familiar, like she’d been living in some sort of dream reality where she’d been human only to suddenly wake up and remember that she had been a Time Lady all her life. That wasn’t what had happened, but that was how it _felt_. 

The TARDIS was singing a soothing melody in the back of her mind and Rose let a part of her relax into it, basking in the connection and instinctively strengthening it. 

When the Christmas tree attacked them she grabbed the Sonic Screwdriver out of the Doctor’s coat pocket and, while sobbing heartsfelt apologies for the intrusion, sifted about in his memories for how to use the thing before activating it. The tree exploded, and Rose raced out onto the balcony outside the flat door. There, in the courtyard, were the robot santas from earlier. Swallowing, she raised the screwdriver and pointed it at them. They were enveloped in shimmering blue light and vanished.

“I hate teleports,” Rose muttered, slumping onto the railing. 

“Who’re they then?” Mickey asked. “I mean, they’re not much cop if a Sonic Screwdriver’s gonna scare them off.”

“Scavengers,” she sighed, aware that Mickey and Jackie were eyeing her curiously. She brushed some of her hair away from her eyes and rubbed at her temples. “Probably just random satellite things. Ran into something similar a few months back, the Doctor said that a lot of people will send out camouflaged androids or robots looking for quick cash.”

“Well, why’d they come after us then?” Jackie asked, impatiently tapping her foot as she put her hands on her hips. “Just look at the flat! What a right state it’s in!”

“Mum, why on Earth would I have told you to expect spinning Christmas trees of death?” Rose asked exasperatedly. Jackie deflated a bit at that, conceding the point. “Remember that gold dust stuff that the Doctor breathed out? ‘S called Artron Energy. He told me about it after we ran into something that used it as a sor’ of fuel to heal itself. Time energy. Basically, he’s a walking battery right now ‘cause he changed and they want it. Which means that whoever’s got the joystick can’t be far away.” 

“Oh, nice,” Mickey scoffed. “And himself is tucked up in bed with a teddy bear snoozing through the whole thing.”

“He changed because if he didn’t he would have _died,_ Micks,” Rose snapped. “He died saving me after I almost got myself killed saving him, so if you’re looking for someone to blame that makes it my fault.” 

“But it was his fault you had to save him in the first place!” Jackie shouted, chipping in her two pence. They glanced around as some of the neighbors opened their doors, peering out curiously at the argument taking place. “We’d better take this inside.”

“I’m turning on the Telly,” Mickey muttered. “If things are afoot with aliens I wanna keep tabs on the news.” 

~§~

Of course, aliens were now invading the planet. And, even more interesting, the TARDIS was translating what they were saying. Then again, Rose supposed that made sense seeing as she had somehow become the ship’s secondary pilot. But, did that mean... 

Nope. Not even entertaining that line of thought. She had enough on her plate as it was. For now, it was better to focus on the present than the hypothetical. 

Later that early morning Jackie was curled up asleep at the Doctor’s bedside and Rose leaned against the doorframe. Everything had finally caught up with her and she just felt... emotions ran wild and she broke down crying. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mickey asked quietly. 

“I need him, and he’s not here,” she sobbed, hiccuping. “I don’t know what to do. Everything’s so messed up and I can’t, I don’t even... he’s not here,” she ended on a whisper. There was an ache in her chest as she tried to make sense of the shifting timelines and she came up empty, not understanding what direction she was supposed to be moving in. Her body felt like it wasn’t her own even as it _did _feel like her own, and she was too confused to make sense of what was happening without help. 

“You really love him, don’t you?” Mickey murmured quietly. Rose sniffled and turned to bury her face into her best friend’s neck, shaking as she suppressed her sobs. 

Dawn broke over the skyline and with it a third of the Earth’s population got up and walked to the edge of the nearest high place, poised to jump. Rose had Mickey carry the Doctor into the TARDIS and she asked the ship to guide them to his room, which she obliged only all too easily. Once he was tucked in Rose slumped on the jumpseat and watched the swirling Gallifreyan characters on the viewscreen. They weren’t decorative, she finally understood, but informational. There was no screensaver, the screensaver was in fact ship diagnostics. 

The weird thing was that the information made sense. TARDIS maintenance, flight protocols, all of it was jangling around in her head. She knew exactly how to input the navigation coordinates and how to repair a break in the atmospheric control circuits. And that frightened her, for obvious reasons, because that was something she wasn’t supposed to _know._

“How does this thing work?” Mickey asked, pointing to the viewscreen. If it picks up tv, maybe we could see what’s going on out there. Maybe we’ve surrendered.”

“It tunes itself,” Rose sighed, feeling the TARDIS hum smugly in the back of her mind at the offhanded compliment. “Best not go pressing any buttons, though.”

“Right...” Rose frowned as she looked around the console room. 

“Where’d mum go?”

“To get more supplies,” Mickey chuckled as he flopped down beside her on the jumpseat. “Doesn’t matter that you told her this thing has a kitchen, she still wants to bring in food just in case.”

“Better go help her then.”

“Nah, I’ll go, you stay. Someone should be on board in case the Doctor wakes up.”

“Thanks, Micks.”

“You’re welcome, babe.” 

He left, and Rose chewed on the side of her thumbnail. Abruptly she spit the nail fragments out, glaring at her thumb as if it personally offended her. Her new, improved tastebuds were easily analyzing the contents of the grime that had accumulated underneath and that was the question to an answer she never had intended to ask in the first place. 

The TARDIS hummed, asking politely for her attention, and Rose glanced at the ceiling.

“What?” 

In response, several words and conversations from Doctors and companions long past echoed through the room. They passed swiftly, overlapping each other and fading rapidly in and out, but a few out of multitudes stood out louder than others. 

_My dear child, haven’t you realized what I’ve done? A few simple tools, a superior brain..._

_As we learn more about each other, so we learn about ourselves..._

_Are you quite mad? You know as well as I do the golden rule about space and time traveling. Never, _never _interfere with the course of history..._

_-The Doctor always wore this. If you _are _him it should fit, and that settles it!_

_-I’d like to see a butterfly fit into a chrysalis after it spreads its wings._

_-Then you _did _change._

_-Life depends on change, and renewal..._

_Someone has to make a move, otherwise this whole thing will end up in complete catastrophe..._

_-Well, look, you’re a Time Lord aren’t you?_

_-Yes..._

_-In fact, you’re _two _Time Lords! Well, surely your wills combined are a match for his..._

_-I’m a Time Lord._

_-I _know _you’re a Time Lord._

_-But you don’t understand the implications. I walk in eternity..._

_There’s always something to look at if you open your eyes!_

_Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when used properly..._

_Think about me when you’re living your life one day after another, all in a neat pattern. Think about the homeless traveler and his old police box, with his days like crazy paving..._

_There’s a lot of darkness out there... But you know something? We wouldn’t notice any of it if it weren’t for all those little pinpricks of light. Planets and stars. And that’s where I go whenever I feel sad. The next bit of light in the darkness. Keep on moving, never look back. Well, hardly never..._

“What are you trying to tell me??” Rose cried, confused. “I don’t understand!” The TARDIS chimed softly, enveloping Rose in a telepathic embrace, before she pulled a memory in Rose’s own mind to the forefront. The girl gasped, tears springing to her eyes as the voice of her leather Doctor jumped out at her. 

~§~

_“Rose? What’s wrong?” The Doctor asked. Rose looked up from her bed, swiping angrily at the tears prickling her eyes._

_“Why do you even bother with me?” She whispered. He blinked._

_“I... What?”_

_“I broke _time_, Doctor. How stupid do you have to be to do that?”_

_“It’s easy, actually. I’ve done it before myself. Many people have.” He sighed when she looked unconvinced and hesitantly lowered himself to sit beside her on the bed, gently pulling her against his side. Rose sighed and nestled against the soft wool of his jumper, breathing in the scent of his leather jacket. “It’s okay, Rose. It’s fine. And I won’t send you home, if you’re worried about that.”_

_“You... you won’t?”_

_“Nah.” His voice was soft as he gently stroked her hair. “I’d be useless without you. Like I said, I only take the best. Even the best make mistakes.” _

_Rose let out a watery laugh and pulled away slightly to look up at him, wincing as she patted his jumper. _

_“You’re all wet now, sorry.”_

_“Mm. Well, great thing about 32nd century wool blends, Rose Tyler. It doesn’t matter.” He pulled her back down against his chest and smiled. “Relax. The TARDIS is home, Rose. My home. But it can be yours too if you want. Won’t ever make you leave.”_

~§~

“I’m... I’m still not sure I understand,” Rose murmured, swiping at the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. But I think I get the general gist of what you’re trying to say.” 

She walked around the console slowly, methodically, and began flicking levers, pressing buttons. The bars inside the rotor moved up and down as the ship made a sound like house keys scraping piano wire, and she left the Earth to land in the middle of a battle. 

~§~

She tried her best, she really did, and the TARDIS helped by pushing things she didn’t know across the pilot link they shared, but it was obvious the Sycorax were not impressed. And then the Doctor showed up, hair wonderfully sleep-tussled though he was the very definition of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and she would have cried if it wouldn’t have looked bad in front of the aliens. He rambled about one thing or another, he fought, he lost his hand, he won out of a satsuma technicality after regrowing a new hand... and through it all Rose was aware that he had no idea she was different because his head was still jumbled enough that their bond wasn’t connecting properly. But the moment it cleared... 

Oh, she really wasn’t looking forward to that no matter how encouraging the TARDIS was trying to be. 

And he was... he was taking an awfully long time picking out a new outfit, wasn’t he?

Something was wrong. Worse, something was wrong with Rose. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was exactly, but it was... 

The Doctor shook himself out of his ponderings, promising himself he would have ample time to do it later. But for now, he had an outfit to figure out and he had to make it back before Jackie served Christmas dinner. This was a new experience for him, and he was actually kind of nervous. While it was true that he loved trying new things, usually the trying took place on a far-off planet in a faraway time surrounded by people he would probably never see again. For the first time in a very long time, there were people who expected him to stick around and thus intended to stick around themselves for a long time. The only other person he’d really been that way with was Alistair, but he’d never had Christmas with the man despite the numerous offers to do so.

He was beginning to regret never taking him up on the offer, because making it obvious to the Tyler women and one Mickey Smith that he was uninformed and ill-prepared was not something he wanted to do. So, the wrongness could wait. He had a very important first (second?) impression to make on these people, and he found to his own surprise that it mattered what they thought of him. If he lost Rose because she wanted to stay home, he didn’t know what he’d do. 

~§~

Rose could tell the moment the Doctor walked through the door that he’d sensed the bond. The tentative smile he’d flashed her as he stood, uncertain, beside the front door had faded slightly to be replaced by thoughtful introspection, and a few moments later she felt him prodding none too gently along the connection. It was obvious he had no idea what it was yet, and so she suffered through the migraine his curiosity was causing in silence. She deserved some sort of punishment for what had happened, let that be it. 

It was obvious when he discovered what the connection was. His chaotic thoughts and emotions went eerily close to silent, like a car door closing in the midst of heavy traffic so that the interior was isolated from the outside world, and the dilation of his pupils along with the faint inhale of breath all occurred simultaneously of one another. Rose watched, uneasy, as he jerked at Jackie’s order to sit. The Doctor crossed the room in long, loping strides and sat as casually as you please right beside her, but making it clear they were not to be touching. 

He could have fooled anyone, really. His act was superb, his facade inscrutable, his performance flawless. To everyone but her. He laughed at all of the jokes Mickey made, rolled his eyes at quite a few more, and smiled at her as if she’d hung the stars for him. He was polite to Jackie in the sense that she was his hostess but was quick to fall into debate, and when he went off on a tale about some place he and Rose had been to he would often draw her into the conversation by asking for clarification on a plot point in the adventure or some other such thing. He even went so far as to pull Christmas crackers and drop a pink paper crown on her head, let her drop a red paper crown on his head. But when she happened to see him out of the corner of her eye he was staring at her with an incalculable look on his face. 

Jackie ushered them outside. She and Mickey continued down the stairs into the courtyard, below, but Rose stayed on the balcony looking up at the sky. She knew that the snow was actually ash. The color was wrong, the texture, the smell. Things her human senses wouldn’t have been able to pick up jumped out at her with her Time Lady senses. These senses also alerted her to the fact that a Time Lord was directly to her left, leaning on the railing. They both had their coats on but neither were cold, neither blew clouds of vapor into the air because their body temperatures were lower. 

“Spaceship, breaking up in the atmosphere,” Rose murmured, hugging her arms to her chest as she stared up at the light-polluted sky of London. Only the brightest stars were visible, and even those were covered by thick cloud banks. “It’s ash, yeah?”

“What did you do with her?” The Doctor whispered, his voice so low he was almost growling. Rose turned slightly toward him and had to suppress a shiver at the darkness of the Storm in his eyes. The question threw her for a loop.

“Who?” She asked, genuinely confused. He closed his eyes for a few moments, taking a few deep steadying breaths, as he clenched and unclenched his fists before he looked at her again.

“Rose,” he said evenly, his voice scarily calm and quiet. “You used her body, then what? Took over? Is she dead?”

“Doctor, it’s me,” Rose whispered, tears pricking her eyes. He scoffed. 

“Right. And who’s that? Hmm? The Bad Wolf? Is there even a part of Rose left inside you? Or are you all bite and no bark?” He leaned in close, so close their noses were almost touching. “There’s a name branded in my head, Wolf. The mark of a Bond Mate, unbreakable, and it’s in my head. And mine, my true name, is in your head. By the laws of my people we’re married for life. But, here’s the thing. I don’t remember making that bond. And the name in my head, it’s not Rose’s. It belongs to someone else. You’re not Rose. So I’m gonna ask again, because this is very, _very _important. Where is she?”

“Right in front of you,” Rose gasped, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t bother to wipe them away. “You’re always so scared that your companions will reject you when you change Doctor, that they don’t see you. I’m standing right here, under your nose, and you can’t see _me_. I changed. What do you want me to say? I never asked for any of this. Making Jack a fixed point was an accident. Resetting your Regeneration cycle was an accident. Making myself a Time Lady was an accident. Forming a secondary pilot link with the TARDIS was an accident. The Bond was an _accident_, all right?” She was sobbing now, breath coming in hiccuping gasps despite her bypass, and she slumped against the railing in defeat. 

The Doctor’s eyes were blown wide with shock. 

“...What...?”

“I can’t change any of it now, even if I wanted to,” Rose whispered, closing her eyes as hot tears slipped between her eyelashes to track down her cheeks and drop onto the concrete floor of the balcony. “‘S like... I’m still me. I’m still Rose Marion Tyler, daughter of Pete and Jackie Tyler, but I’m trapped in here, in a body that... Everything is new, but familiar, and sort of neither of either. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” 

A few moments later she shifted abruptly away from him, startled, when she felt him probing along their Bond. She abruptly threw up shields to privatize her mind as best as possible, leaving him to hiss at the unexpected muting of their connection and stumble back at the raw skill she’d displayed in erecting such strong barriers. A few moments later he took another few steps back as Rose backed him through the door of the flat and up against the nearest wall.

“You don’t get to do that!” She shouted (after first making sure the door was closed). “You don’t get to shield your own mind and then get free range of mine, d’ya hear? I woke up knowing nothing about what happened, _nothing_. It took me _eight hours _to sort out and piece everything together. _Eight hours. _I had to fight for some peace of mind, get my mental house in order, you don’t get to let yourself in just ‘cause you’ve got a spare key!” The Doctor held up his hands in surrender as she backed him into a corner, and reluctantly he sank down onto the couch as she shouted at him.

“Rose-“

“Shut up! I _never _asked for any of this! It just _happened! _I’m still _me_, but _not me_, and my best friend just changed into someone new and now he can’t even _look at me properly, and no one else knows even a fraction of what I’m going through!”_

“Rose?”

“It’s not like a _planned this! _The _last _thing I thought when I woke up that morning before Kyoto was that I wanted to be abducted, drugged, dropped into a homicidal game show, shot at and teleported to a Dalek ship, sent home, and then become the goddess of bloody _time. _I just...” her breath was coming in pants as she sank to the floor in front of him, drawing her knees close against her chest and hugging them tightly as she rested her forehead against her knees and began hyperventilating. 

«Alone...» she cried, the Gallifreyan translation sending his hearts into a wildly irrational rhythm because of the finite sense of misunderstanding and loss it conveyed in the more advanced language. She was having a panic attack.

“You’ve been keeping all this bottled up ever since we got here?” The Doctor asked sharply as he slid off the couch and gathered her into his lap, holding her through her attack while she rocked and sobbed against him. She was shaking so hard in his arms, and he swallowed several times when he felt her twin heartsbeat thudding haphazardly against his own. She gave a short, tense nod in response to his question and his grip tightened. “Oh, Rose...” 

He peppered kisses in her hair and without hesitation opened his part of the bond as wide as it would go, flooding her with warmth and peace and calm as best he could given the circumstances, and she shuddered at the telepathic contact. 

The soft brush of her mind against his as she tentatively opened her side back up was enough to make him weak in the knees, and they ended up holding and rocking each other on the floor of Jackie’s flat. 

~§~

Both of them got scanned and poked and prodded later that evening to kingdom come in the TARDIS infirmary, and the results confirmed what they already knew. Rose had indeed given him a reset on his amount of Regenerations to match the new cycle she had of her own. She was pure Gallifreyan Time Lady, like him, and they were indeed bound with a marriage bond. She was tapped into the TARDIS telepathically as a secondary pilot. 

Of course, the scanner couldn’t tell them what they were feeling. 

As soon as the scans were done and the results were in she fled to parts unknown, and now that she was also a pilot the Doctor knew better than to assume the TARDIS would ever tell him where she was and break her privacy policy. It was probably for the best that they had some time apart, anyway. He needed to think things through. So he made himself a cup of tea and sat in his study, staring at nothing in front of him and yet everything in front of him all at once. 

Rose was right, of course. She usually was. Whatever had happened, they were stuck with it. More specifically, stuck with each other. He sighed, letting his head fall against the backrest of the armchair he was in, and examined the telepathic bond in his mind. It was... nice. It felt good. He’d spent so long without anyone in his mind, even before he’d lost his people, and losing his connection to the Matrix on Gallifrey had been more like a final nail in the coffin rather than anything too shocking. The tear, combined with the huge amount of stress he had been under and the physical injury he had sustained, had all coalesced into his eighth body (remarkably the one who lost his memory on a ridiculously regular basis but had somehow survived through the entire War when others lost an entire cycle within months) Regenerating into his ninth body. 

And yet, he didn’t feel as if she were invading his privacy. Far from it. Rose was being extra careful about permission and borders and it took the Doctor a few moments to realize that she was just as unhappy with if not more so the predicament they now found themselves in. This made his stomach clench and his hearts beat a little faster. Was she unhappy because she didn’t want the Bond? Because she didn’t want to be tied to him in that way with all of the accompanying titles and indications? 

It surprised him how much that hurt to even consider, because until he realized it hurt he hadn’t been aware he wanted more than to admire her from a respectable distance over the console. The very idea that she didn’t see him that way when he... Ouch, was really the only word that summed the jumble of indescribable feelings up nicely. Ouch. 

Okay, he had to find Rose and he had to find her ten minutes ago. This... this couldn’t go on. She needed- No, he needed- Oh, it was all so complicated. Why did emotion have to be so complicated? 

“This is why my species never bothered with this,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and ruffling the short not-ginger hair that grew there. 

...And yet. And yet, that was the reason he never fit in on Gallifrey. Why start trying now when it was gone? Especially when Rose was right in front of him, and-

“Oh,” he whispered, eyes widening. And she wasn’t going anywhere. Neither of them were, for a very long time. That is, well. “I have... seriously messed this up,” he groaned, standing abruptly and pacing the room as he tugged at his wild not-ginger but still spectacular hair. “Oh, nice one Doctor, brilliant, absolutely _smashing,” _he chastised, voice going through several inflections all at once. If there was one thing he could count on it was that his past selves would always be present to chip in their sixpence on self-recrimination and overly-critical judgement. Well, future selves too. It was sort of a thing. 

“You, complete, absolute, utter _moron_,” he continued, glaring at himself in the mirror. “Look at you. Got the love of your lives _Bonded to you _in the way you’ve always dreamt of but never thought possible, and she’s human! Weeelllll, _was _human. Time Lady. But temperamentally, emotionally, still human. Like, like you couldn’t have _ever _gotten luckier! Oh, _that’s _where all my good luck went Doctor! All of it got used up trying to sort things out with Rose!” He frowned as he rambled in his thoughts. “Is that reverse Karma or something? No, no. Anyway, back to the guilt and judging. Stupid, stupid Doctor! You get her, and what do you do? You _scare her off! _Brilliant strategy, brilliant. You, sir, are an imbecile.” 

Meanwhile, Rose was having an existential crisis. 

...Fair enough, all things considered.

~§~ 

The Doctor paused outside Rose’s door, hearts in his throat. He never did this. Never tried. He was rubbish at apologies, always, and today was _not _the day to begin working on that but he really didn’t have a choice. 

He’d considered finding some flowers before deciding that that _definitely _wasn’t him no matter the body and had instead opted to bring her a cup of tea prepared exactly how she liked it. It was as good a peace offering as any, and out of courtesy he withdrew from their bond as much as was possible (that didn’t mean that he wasn’t able to register her mild confusion at the action, however). Then, taking a deep breath for courage, he used his free hand to knock and then waited. 

“What?” Rose called, her voice thick with tears and muffled by the wood. There was wariness there and the sudden spike in panic over the bond made him wince.

“I come bearing the nectar of the English gods,” he called back. A few moments later the door cracked open and he waited for her to give him his cues. The crack widened as she leaned against the doorframe and accepted the cuppa, cradling it in her hands as she took a long sip. 

“Thanks,” Rose muttered, her gaze resolutely fixed on the rim of the mug. The Doctor couldn’t suppress the tiny sigh of disappoint that exited his body and grimaced at the raised eyebrow he received in response. The only plus side was that she was actually looking at him now.

“Rose, things are a mess right now,” he began awkwardly, hands stuffed in his pockets one minute and then tugging at an ear, his hair, or rubbing the back of his neck the next. “I’m sorry I’m so complicated. I, I’m not upset with you. About any of it.” Cautiously, he let his barriers down across the bond and watched her eyes widen as she registered that. He himself was staying as far from her mind as possible in case he wasn’t welcome. 

“This is an apology?” She murmured, brow furrowing as she regarded him with a slight head tilt and confusion. He nodded, at a loss as to what to do next, before he was hit by a brainstorm. He tapped his temple and then nodded again, inclining his head ever so faintly toward as he did so. A few seconds later he felt her hesitantly skirting the edges of his mind, and he flung the metaphorical door wide open to let her in before she even knocked.

Rose gasped as she accidentally slipped into his head, her embarrassment and guilt at the action melting away to be replaced by cautious enthusiasm when she realized there was quite literally nothing about him that he was blocking from her. 

“As you can see I’ve... cared about you, more than platonically, for a very long time,” the Doctor murmured, face heating at his admission though he plowed through. “And I’d, I’d like to see where that goes. But only if you want to, too.” 

“Yeah,” Rose whispered. They both took tentative steps toward one another before she arched up onto her tiptoes and gently kissed him on the lips, dropping down to the balls of her feet and staring up at him with uncertain wide brown eyes. The Doctor leaned down to reciprocate the gesture before straightening back up to stare down at her with soft eyes the color of melted chocolate.

...

She took his hand and twined it with hers before allowing him to lead her toward the console room and parts unknown. Where he would lead, she would follow.

... 

He offered his hand to her and could have cried at the sensation of clutching on to a lifeline that had been thrown to a man drowning in his guilt and misdeeds. What she believed, he would make his religion. 

...

It wasn’t until Krop Tor that things became intimate; stolen kisses and longing touch had dominated their adventures. Madame de Pompadour and Pete’s World had been major curveballs thrown into their already-rocky relationship, and it had taken all that time to successfully repair the damage they’d both inadvertently caused each other on those occasions. But trapped far apart without a working radio? The bond got more telepathic conference use than it had in its entire existence, and when they got back together they dragged Jackie and Mickey (and Sarah Jane) to the nearest registrar’s office to be legally married in the eyes of one Jackie Tyler, who was upset that she hadn’t been able to throw a proper wedding but still a little too shocked over the whole species change to be too concerned about finer details. It also helped that she’d always known on some level that Rose would elope, even when she was a young girl, and it was obvious the Doctor cared for her deeply. 

Jackie decided that she would get her mandatory slap in and then call it a day. 

...

When Jackie crossed over to Pete’s World to live with him Rose stayed behind. She nearly slipped and fell into the Void, and it wasn’t lost on either Time Lord nor Time Lady that had she been human she most certainly would have lost her grip. 

Years later they’re both wearing a different face. Her hair is curly blonde and voluminous, her eyes blue-grey, and she looks older. She prefers jean jackets and button-up blouses, dramatic entrances and getaways. His eyes are green and his hair is a floppy not-ginger brown, and he looks younger. He prefers bow ties and tweed jackets, pretending to be mysterious and fooling absolutely no one. They’ve just torn apart an asteroid on Demons’ Run to return to each other, and the cries of their newborn make him weak in the knees. When Kovarian tries to steal their daughter she forgets one crucial aspect of Time Lord existence, and that is of familial bonds. Parents, spouses, siblings, children, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents... they all feel one another, in their minds. They recognize each other this way. Any fake she could present them with would only ever be a pale imitation of the real thing, and Kovarian finally understands why why the asteroid is called Demons’ Run when they come after her to collect their true child. Their other daughter, the one that looks like his fifth incarnation but has her first incarnation’s personality, cries when she holds the infant. They are a family, a unit, singular and whole and yet unified apart. And it is perfect.

~§~

Once, long ago during the finite infinitesimal milliseconds of a stolen kiss, a Storm begged a Wolf to stay with it forever. The Wolf howled its love in every way it could and the Storm answered in like kind, thundering its awe. Together, two paths willingly forged into one at a glimpse of shared eternity wherever it might take them. They weave the timelines together to create a single path, and when the stolen kiss ends they forget the gift they have given themselves until the time is right.

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes
> 
> (1) The First Doctor; Season 1 (Story #2), The Daleks  
(2) The First Doctor; Season 1 (Story #3), The Edge of Destruction.  
(3) The First Doctor; Season 2 (Story #7), The Time Meddler.  
(4) Ben, The Second Doctor, and Polly; Season 4 (Story #30), The Power of the Daleks.  
(5) The Third Doctor; Season 7 (Story #52), [Doctor Who and] The Silurians.  
(6) Jo and the Third Doctor; Season 10 (Story #65), The Three Doctors.  
(7) The Fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane; Season 13 (Story #82), Pyramids of Mars.  
(8) The Fifth Doctor; Season 19 (Story #118), Kinda.  
(9) The Sixth Doctor; Season 22 (Story #140), The Two Doctors.  
(10) The Seventh Doctor; Season 24 (Story #147), Dragonfire.  
(11) The Eighth Doctor; Big Finish: Eighth Doctor Adventures (Story #3.5), Scapegoat.   
(12) The Ninth Doctor; Original quote, set between Father’s Day and The Empty Child.
> 
> At one point I reference the fact that Eight turned into Nine, thus displacing War from the equation. This story can be read separately from Angels Fall (which is another oneshot in this series that at the time of publication for Secret Santa has not yet been written but is planned and should be next in line). It is, however, my headcanon for this particular oneshot that the content in Angels Fall is how Eight survived the Time War. Again, not necessary to read them together when they are both eventually published. I just like the little join it creates. 
> 
> Additionally, I genuinely like the character of River Song and I like her with the Doctor. It is my most controversial ship because my ultimate OTP is Rose and the Doctor. However, if Rose were to become a Time Lady they could conceivably become one person I feel, seeing as Moffat completely screwed up her origin story. He made the weirdest one possible, everything is confusing, Amy and Rory have to go through SO MUCH unnecessary pain... Let's face it, even if you're unhappy with my personal Time Lady Rose headcanon you've gotta admit that there's a lot less heartbreak all around. Shove off, Moffat. The poor characters have enough trauma already.


End file.
